*Warning: This blog entry is a bit of a venter.*
(* denotes a pseudonym)
Okay... So I was just thinking about a friend I would have loved to have with us for this holiday season, but then I remembered how he ditched me and my friend Shaun, who had been friends with him for 18 years. I was only friends with him for 12 of those years even though I knew him all 14, but I was still very close to him. Now... As per previous posts it's easy to see that I hate my birth family. But, if I call you family, say a brother for example, it means I hold you a lot closer to my heart than anyone else on this piece of shit planet. If you shit on that love and trust enough, yeah, it's going to put a divide between us. But if you stop, we'll stay friends at least.
So, the friend, whom I'll call James*, ends up living in Indiana while Shaun and I are still living down in Florida. Now, for a while we were able to keep good communication, he would call when he had free time, and we would call back, or there would be mass texting sessions if he was bored at work. Obviously there are going to be days where one or neither of us can communicate but it was rare that it should happen.
As time goes on, a guy comes into the picture. Now when James first gets a new boyfriend things stay the same until it gets more serious. As in forgetting friends exist, asking for advice and then choosing to ignore it even though he says over the phone he agrees with us, because as always, whatever is in his backseat puts everyone around him in the trunk. Unfortunately, this ass, who I'll call Chris*, does exactly what every boyfriend James* has had since the dawn of time. Chris* takes over James'* life and makes him a mindless zombie fuck toy that he can push around whenever he feels like it and of course James* will say yes because he is infected by a thing I'm beginning to believe to be a nasty disease, "love".
Love lets Chris* try to choke the shit out of James* in the middle of a fight, puts a bug in James* phone so all of his texts are sent to Chris'* phone as well as a recording put in Chris'* email of the phone convos. He can also now tell him who he can talk to, when he can talk to them, and should he say that person is no longer his friend, so be it. No facebook, no myspace, twitter gets James* yelled at. But, this person, who on the timeline of how long Shaun and I have known James* is like a perfect fucking stranger, is completely right.
Maybe James* has forgotten about the last guy like this we rescued him from. Literally, rescued. He was so blinded by his insatiable madness that he believed everything Steve* was doing was perfectly okay. Beating him, lying to him, cheating on him, bringing home every STD besides AIDS and HIV (which thankfully none of which James* ever got), all of that was totally okay. He got upset, sure, but he never left him for good until me and Shaun fucking saved his ass. Which, afterward, once he got away from alllll of that shit, his eyes opened up, his madness was gone, and he thanked us. He didn't understand why he had stayed.
A sickness called "love".
so, back to Chris*. They broke up a few months ago and he was happier, we heard from him more, I was thinking he didn't need us to save him this time, he did it all on his own. That would be good if it had stayed that way. What does he do? Gets back with this idiot. Once again, he lose him, we hear from him only when Chris* isn't around, which let me tell you is a fucking rarity.
We text him, we call him, nothing. He doesn't even message us through any of the social networks we use (Twitter or Facebook). So, I get fed up and delete him from Facebook. It takes him 3 weeks, almost a fucking month, to see I've deleted him. When he asks why I let him know why.
I'm tired of being the friend he calls when he has absolutely no one else to fucking talk to. I'm done. That's not what a friend is. I may not live near friend is Seattle, or my friend in Ohio, but damn it all, I at least try to talk to them when I can. Downtime at work, waiting periods somewhere, or I made the time to text them to say hi and see how they were doing. So I told him I'm sorry if I want to be talked to more than once a month (MAYBE) and that it sucks but I'll miss him.
What does he do? Gets fucking pissed off at me when I get tired of being in the moving container being towed behind his car. This dip shit, who has done nothing but mistreat him and make him get frustrated and feel like shit, consumes his life, and then when I get tired of the fact I've become an acquaintance, I'm the bad person.
He has time to troll Twitter and facebook and even message friends that we both know, including my friend Smiggy that he got from my damn facebook page. He has time to move, and rearrange his new apartment, and even throw house warming parties, but somewhere in there, he can't send even a two letter text "Hi"?
Really?
I know he's living his life, but even when I was going through nothing but chaos I still found the time to text him to never get replies, and to call him just to have my call ignored. Hell, he could have even text us and not let Chris* know he was texting us. You would think friends of 12 and 18 years would be more fucking.... SOMETHING than a guy he hasn't even known for 5 years.
I was happy he had someone until he started treating him like shit, but of course he looks at it like it's jealousy. Yes, James*, cos I want a boyfriend who fucking chokes me to the point where I have to kick him in the chest just to get him off of me before he kills me. Yeah, I want that so bad. Fucking idiot.
It's that fucking disease, "love", which makes him think that my fucking worry and concern is jealousy. Jealous of pain and misery? I FUCKING LIVE IT EVERY GODDAMNED DAY. Why the fuck would I want more?
I guess I just need to get the hell off of here so I can calm down.
-KTFX
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